(6 minute read)
Self-worth. How is it measured? Is it measured regarding your material possessions or the amount of capital you own? Can it be measured by the number of likes, shares, followers, and friends that you have throughout social media? Perhaps it’s measured by the number of good deeds that you do throughout each day or the line of work you’re in and its value to others. How can a person truly become worthy of respect, friendship, and love? What do we have to do to earn more of it?
These are the types of questions that baffled me for years. I struggled with my self-worth and because of my struggles with it, I tended to bury my dreams and aspirations beneath many layers of people-pleasing-behaviors. I thought I had to change who I was, to become worthy of respect, friendship, and love. I was never able to remain true to myself and stand strong in my values and beliefs because I was too afraid of being rejected and too busy trying to achieve worthiness.
One of my greatest fears was that the world would get to know the real me and the real dreams and aspirations that I had, and then rejected it. If that happened what would I be left with? What could I ever possibly do or who could I ever possibly become if the real me were rejected? It was far easier to put up a protective front. Then if that got rejected, at least, the real stuff of me was still safe and intact behind my protective wall.
Hard Lessons Learned From Not Being Yourself
You get hurt a lot more by putting up a front. Life is painful when you aren’t being who you are meant to be and not doing what you are meant to be doing.
- Your choices and decisions become skewed.
- You end up living a life that you come to loathe.
- You turn out to become someone that you can’t stand to live with.
- You become a living lie.
- You end up forcing yourself to go against the grain of what naturally inspires you, motivates you, and gives you joy.
When you go against your natural grain, your spirit begins to go through a slow death of deprivation and starvation. It can lead to stress, depression and opening yourself up to the mistreatments of being used and abused.
The true challenge is not in gaining self-worth or in finding it. The true challenge is in realizing it, accepting it and embodying it.
First, let the fact be known that you are indeed a valuable human being of great worth. You would never have been given the gift of life if you weren’t. You may have to dig beneath many layers of insecurity to realize that the original design of who you are is wonderful. You have to get used to being yourself and valuing yourself. Start seeing your own self-worth and stop trying to see it through the eyes of other people. Figure out who you are. I have been working on a resource to help you to get to know yourself based upon inner-self work that I have done for myself in the past. It’s a tool called The Definition of You: Workbook. And it is something you will be able to revisit throughout your life as your interests and life circumstances change, because you’re an ever evolving being. You can get this free resource when it becomes available by signing up here.
The world doesn’t owe you anything. And you don’t owe the world anything. That’s the beauty of free will. Each new day that comes your way, no matter how bleak it may look, is an opportunity to do something good with the life you have been given. Time is currency. Spend it wisely. I believe that there is a Great Creator that took great delight in carefully crafted you into the beauty that you now are. Whether you believe that or not, you do owe it to yourself to make the most of your life because you have to live with yourself day in and day out. Why not go on an adventure toward being who you are meant to be?
Once you have begun to do the inner work of unburying your true self, begin to embody it. Be who you are. You will have to make a conscious effort not to people-please or seek approval from outside of yourself. The biggest fear here will be a fear of rejection. If you feel rejected by those around you when you shine your true colors, forgive them and create healthy boundaries concerning your relationships with them. Intuition will usually let you know if a person is truly rejecting you or is genuinely trying to help you. Beware of toxic people. When someone is truly loving and expresses genuine concern, it should not manifest itself as harsh criticism or destruction to your emotional and mental wellbeing.
At times, you may go through lonely valleys until you find those who you truly resonate with. Find like-minded people who understand you, and who you can truly befriend. Finding true friends is not always easy? But don’t give up. It will be worth the time and effort.
It’s important for you to unbury the self-worth that is already ever present within you. No one can give you what you already naturally have. You cannot earn what you were already naturally given when you were born into existence. Trying to gain it through pursuits and approval will only leave you feeling empty, broken, and disappointed. There is no greater insult to yourself than to snuff out who you naturally are. Cultivate yourself. Work on self-improvement. Develop your natural skills and talents. Don’t bury the uniqueness that creates the beautifulness of you.
There’s no better time than today to start living out the life that you are truly worthy to live. Be sure to sign up for The Definition of You: Workbook, and you will receive it as soon as it is available. It will help you to begin your journey of being who you are meant to be.
(Image by johnhain)